Greatly Exaggerated

Any rumors of my demise, that is. I've been around, collecting stories still. As per usual. 

But yes, Maritza, Mari, that one bitch therapist, whatever you want to call me, I'd say I'm back from the dead, but that would be a lie. Last you folks heard from me was back when I was trying to help out the debacle that was the second courier group.

That sort of fell apart and I managed to wander off. Fell back into what I'd been doing before they called me in to help. 

You see, People need someone to talk to sometimes, and that's my job. Has been for a while now. So that's what I've done ever since I started 'running'. 

I've become a repository of stories and exploits, collecting them and storing them away. After all, not everyone has the ability to blog or put up videos. And if the person wants confidentiality, well... I'm used to that.

Anyway, I'd had a bad month, so yeah, I threatened the kid when they came a-knocking. Needed some alone-time, but now I guess I have company. 

Joy.

Anyway, I exist still. The kid made me get some new clothes... It's been a bit since I had a full exchange of my wardrobe, and that offended their sensibilities. Pity, really. 

I likely won't be the most talkative on here, but I'll be around, I feel sure I could scrounge up something to talk about.

Psychic Lessons By Kailin

So Mari was asking me the other day how it was that I make money as a travelling hobo, because she's very insistent that she has no marketable skills. Well I'm here to tell you that anyone can be a street-side psychic with the right inventory and attitude. 'What are those things?' You might be thinking right now. Well sit down dearies because I'm about to tell you.

• A small folding table
• A small table cloth, preferably with some sort of tacky print on a dark base
• Fortune telling tools. These can vary from person to person, but here are some popular ones
• Tarot cards
• Crystal ball
• Generic crystals
• Rune stones
• Rocks that you literally find on the ground and call rune stones. Smoother tends to be more convincing.
• Accessories. Bracelets, necklaces, rings, scarves. More is better.
• Good make up. I mean this comes naturally for me. But you know, I can direct you to some good youtube tutorials if you need. Jailhouse make-up works in a pinch.

Now the most important thing to remember at your table is to sell the mysticism. This is the hardest part and it's not natural for a lot of people. Personally I find that what helps me is the proper level of vagueness in my dialogue. A lot of you make have experience in vagueness, either via vaguebooking or vagueblogging. Now all you have to do is apply that in your interactions.


"Should I break up with my partner?"

"The cards tell me that you've invested a lot of energy into this relationship, but they aren't being terribly decisive on the matter. They see that a break up could go one of two ways, but it's up to you to determine which."

"Will I find happiness?"

"Judging by this read, I'd say look to your past to determine your future."

"Is there a chance for American Idol to make a comeback?"

"Not a chance in hell." 

Well, that last one's not terribly relevant, but you get my point. Sell the vagueness. Sell the look. Be the psychic street swindler I know you are!


Finally, the last hump to get over tends to be that swindling part. I know, I know. Some of you might have some feelings or moral dilemmas about "ripping people off." I'm going to tell you just one thing I know about my customers. They know it's all mind games. They're coming to you - a theoretical psychic - looking for $20 answers to $100 dollar questions. They're coming to you for a bargain. For a steal. For advice they don't want to talk to a therapist about. They're coming to you because they want to believe in a quick and easy fix to bigger issues. And that's what you give them. That's the part we play.


Now get out there chums. Be the charlatan you were born to be!


XOXO

Update: Not That A Single Fuck Was Given

1. I did not suffer any stab wounds in the encounter with the crazy psychiatrist lady.
2. Crazy psychiatrist lady had a knife. So that's cool.
3. She did actually try to kill me. That was fun.
4. I did not kill her. Also impressive. Just gonna raise my right hand over my left shoulder and give myself a pat on the back for that one.
5. She has a name: Mari.
6. I've decided to keep calling her Crazy Psychiatrist Lady (or CPL) until further notice.
7. She is still brandishing a knife at me.
8. We have eaten recently and gotten her new clothing (don't ask me how or why, just know that it was 100% necessary) so we have at least made some progress!
9. I'm still not sure why I listened to that fuckin' voice in my head. Fuckin' prick.
10. Not dead yet though! Positives Kailin, think positives!

XOXO

I Have Made Some Regrettable Decisions

The most prominent right now being that I listened to the damn ghost that doesn't shut up. What ghost? You talk to ghosts? You may or may not find yourself asking. Well, let me tell you: yes I sometimes talk to ghosts and it was the annoying one who insists that he just wants to help and maybe some new people about will be good for me.

So now I'm outside some crazy psychiatrist's squat, not knocking on the door (hahahaha), hoping that when I get the courage to intrude on her personal space she doesn't kill my ass.

...I'm probably going to get at least one stab wound.

Well that thought got me weirdly pumped for the adventure. I'm just gonna fix my lipstick real quick, hide that flyaway hair. Okay.

Wish me luck!

XOXO