Psychic Lessons By Kailin

So Mari was asking me the other day how it was that I make money as a travelling hobo, because she's very insistent that she has no marketable skills. Well I'm here to tell you that anyone can be a street-side psychic with the right inventory and attitude. 'What are those things?' You might be thinking right now. Well sit down dearies because I'm about to tell you.

• A small folding table
• A small table cloth, preferably with some sort of tacky print on a dark base
• Fortune telling tools. These can vary from person to person, but here are some popular ones
• Tarot cards
• Crystal ball
• Generic crystals
• Rune stones
• Rocks that you literally find on the ground and call rune stones. Smoother tends to be more convincing.
• Accessories. Bracelets, necklaces, rings, scarves. More is better.
• Good make up. I mean this comes naturally for me. But you know, I can direct you to some good youtube tutorials if you need. Jailhouse make-up works in a pinch.

Now the most important thing to remember at your table is to sell the mysticism. This is the hardest part and it's not natural for a lot of people. Personally I find that what helps me is the proper level of vagueness in my dialogue. A lot of you make have experience in vagueness, either via vaguebooking or vagueblogging. Now all you have to do is apply that in your interactions.


"Should I break up with my partner?"

"The cards tell me that you've invested a lot of energy into this relationship, but they aren't being terribly decisive on the matter. They see that a break up could go one of two ways, but it's up to you to determine which."

"Will I find happiness?"

"Judging by this read, I'd say look to your past to determine your future."

"Is there a chance for American Idol to make a comeback?"

"Not a chance in hell." 

Well, that last one's not terribly relevant, but you get my point. Sell the vagueness. Sell the look. Be the psychic street swindler I know you are!


Finally, the last hump to get over tends to be that swindling part. I know, I know. Some of you might have some feelings or moral dilemmas about "ripping people off." I'm going to tell you just one thing I know about my customers. They know it's all mind games. They're coming to you - a theoretical psychic - looking for $20 answers to $100 dollar questions. They're coming to you for a bargain. For a steal. For advice they don't want to talk to a therapist about. They're coming to you because they want to believe in a quick and easy fix to bigger issues. And that's what you give them. That's the part we play.


Now get out there chums. Be the charlatan you were born to be!


XOXO